Experiencing a Tribe for Real - - Life in a Hostel (sic) Environment

Originally posted on Tribe.net Blog

I love hostel stays.

Hostels are really great places for potential and sometimes actual CMNM experiences. More than the erotically suggestive nature, the real chance to meet people from all walks of life and to become authentic -- even if only temporarily - buddies or friends. There is just something about being a fellow sojourner that brings out the 'best' in a person (well.. I think it does for me). I've posted on this topic before but there's not very much reaction - although my take on hosteling (and the pleasure it affords) has changed recently.

In some ways, being on Tribe.net (also some of the other alternative life-style social networking sites ) is a lot like living in a hostel with a set of unique and slightly strange (if not almost perverted) bunk of quirky people. In real life, there aren't that many places - in the modern and average working-man world -- that you can really let your hair down and let your personality and anatomy all hang out (LOL - in a manner of speaking). On a recent stopover trip to NYC, I had intended to stay in a hostel situation. But unfortunately, I couldn't get a reservation at any place I really want to 'experience'. So I settled on another kind of alternative accommodations: the YMCA Club hotels - this time the West Side YMCA.

 I realize I am getting a bit off-subject but it IS directly or indirectly related to CMNM or male-to-

male flashing. Saunas (gay sex clubs/baths) are not totally banned in NYC but it seems that true gay baths ALMOST are- unless you don't count East Side Club or the West Side Club. While I was staying at the West Side YMCA, I visited the West Side Club (no relation, similar name only) on two nights and found it OK enough to go back for more. They charged an initial membership fee ($15?) but you get a 30-day member's card, which allows for 5 visits (just pay for a room (or locker). I recommend a room and it's customary to give a tip to the staffer who leads you to your room. There were a variety of men but there was virtually no sex in the corridors or open areas - it was confined to the private rooms with the doors closed -- which was somewhat disappointing.

At West Side Club, the is only one small shower room, and the sauna was not working (or appeared to be closed) - which may be connected to fact that the sauna room was also closed at the West Side YMCA, where I stayed two nights. At the Y, a sign was posted saying that it was closed by order of the City Board of Health. Was it just this one that had not passed inspection or is the NYC Board of Health systematically shutting down all public saunas? Sort of like - cleaning out the porn and prostitutes out of Times Square? Go figure.

I have love staying at hostels - not just for the economy, and also not just because I have an 'excuse' to be naked in front to strangers (which is always fun), but I have found now that they are enjoyable even more for the chance for camaraderie and acceptance from new acquaintances and potential friends. Initially, I saw it as a way to flash people whose reactions you could see and who can't quite run away. But now, I find that being accepted for being myself is working like a kind of therapy and giving me less reason/compulsion to 'flash' or get naked in front of strangers (not that I ever really did it blatantly anyway - but the fantasy and compulsivity had been growing for the last few years whether I actually acted on it or not).

More recently, I have found that I really enjoy getting to know

the people I am 'living' with in the hostel. I guess it comes from my not acting anything but myself -- I feel free to be me - kinky, profane, but passionate, caring, and adventurous too. I seemed to be (socially) rewarded for the very things that might be 'pervs' in someone else's book. So I've started to see hostels in a whole new light. Still, there are not all like that. I guess it depends on how long you stay - and whether your roomies are ready and willing to socialize. It also matters whether they are willing to accept your 'uniqueness' (diversity - differences in sexual persuasions - i.e. being gay or a nudist or an exhibitionist.)








Maybe it has everything to do with the location (what hostel, in what city/country, and what the social context is). It was a mixed room for 8 with of them 2 women (who were not together) in Honolulu. We did things together - like going out to clubs, dancing, taking in local sites (North Shore Sunset Beach), swimming and even skinnydipping late on night. Using the same bathroom, shower, watching each other change in the room and at the beach was a kind of therapy -- in one sense. My nudity in the room was either overlooked or just accepted - as was everyone else's. I found I didn't really feel the need to be the perv, who made others leary or uncomfortable (with this group).

I did get naked and erect for the 'benefit' of my opposite bunkmate, but he either didn't care or really didn't notice. Because later, we ended up spending a couple of days together (on another island). I guess too that my personality sort of balanced the one overly macho str8 guy who also seemed to like getting nude, too - although seemed possessed with chasing skirt 24/7. In that setting, he was more like the 'pervert', a ex-crazed, testosterone-drenched horny dog. So I didn't' need or couldn't take that role. He's been traveling for a year and had had some bad experiences so I guess he was 'acting' out like some kind of kid (which he was at 23). He's lost his travel partner and best friend - who had gotten hooked on drugs while in the Caribbean and had had to be shipped home for hospitalization to the Netherlands). There was some secret intrigue (not me) with some gay hanky panky going on between one of our roomies and a guy next door which complicated things. Why they tried so desperately to cover it up (without much success) was beyond me. Overall, it was a very nice time.

A few weeks later, I spent a night in a hostel in NYC (Gershwin Hotel has both private and dorm-style rooms). Life was back to normal -meaning -- I didn't even speak to my roomies (two other young men) except in the dark when I came in after 11pm. There was just one roommate in the room and he appeared asleep. I stripped in the darkened room and took a shower, leaving the door unlocked (on purpose). The second roommate came in and opened the door to the bathroom catching me fully nude. When I came out and finished dressing, he was in bed, pretending not to notice. I had to leave early the next morning but gave him a lot to look at that night since we were the ones on the two bottom bunks. While in NYC, I looked up some other possible hostels. I believe that WestSide Inn (107st) was promising.

Are there other hostels or hotels in NYC that anyone can recommend?

The CMNM dynamic drives a lot of men to explore 'gay' issues

        The above photo is only one of two dozen that a young man (who called himself Str8man) posted on another gay discussion board. The user explained that he was 'really' straight, but that he wanted (or needed) the advice of guys who could be honest about whether his 'dick' was big enough or not. It was obviously more than simply that because the posting of his self-pics (never the face) has gone on periodically for several months now.

       While initially a 'virgin', he explained during the course of the posts how 

he had had sexual experiences with his girlfriend, but was often horny so considered getting a 'blowjob' from a guy at some point. I think this type of Net 'naked' exposure or self-revelation is symptomatic of what I call the need for male 'skinship' - a form of the CMNM experience. As our societies have accepted 'gayness' (at least to some legal extent), the stigma about being bi or gay - while not vanished - is certainly greatly reduced and for a few happy (no pun intended) gay men, it may be non-existent. However, at the same time, I think this new sexual 'freedom' for all males puts traditional self-identity in some type of young males and even older men into greater jeopardy. In a way, the macho male is even more threatened in his feelings of isolation and his lack of ability to make 'acceptable' buddy-buddy relationships with other males (particularly those a little older and wiser ) in whom he cannot fully confide or whose affection and need for intimacy he feels he must still largely deny - except for 'outburst' like this one on gay/bi Net sites. 

         In a way, gay sites are becoming the confessionals of a whole new

generation of males who crave deeper male intimacy - with or without everything else that is involved in a emotional romantic or sexual interpersonal relationship. For the young kid or full-blow teenage, (such as Str8man above) who may have no father (divorced parents) or even no close adult relationships at all - especially men because of today's climate of paranoia about the potential of 'child abuse' by ordinary adults and social authorities figures (teachers, counselors, coaches, priests). He may feel particularly isolated or alone in his feeling of inadequacy -- especially when he is growing up, going through adolescence's change and hormonal upheavals, and experiencing the first few sexual and romantic relationships. It seems to be all to common to see exactly we are seeing above -- it's emblematic of a larger social phenomenon. 

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 I think that many guys who visit (lurk) or participate in the message boards and forums of gay social networking and gay hook-up sites such as Dudesnude, JustusBoys, Gaywatch, Dlist, Lifeout, and definitely on sites such as DickFlash are actually craving CMNM experiences -- rather than true simply just sex to get off. It's not that they don't need or wan
t to get off (ejaculate) or that they don't need to communicate or try to relate and form relationships or friendship, but I believe that the need to profoundly reach a deep intimate level of emotional or psycho-sexual communication or interaction with other men - THAT fundamentally involves nudity - is a very strong force and a desire they feel that must fulfill.

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Therefore, I would like to expand the definition of CMNM (clothed male - naked male). You can see that expanded definition in earlier entries of the blog I have started, devoted to this topic: Guys Into CMNM You can read it at: http://guysn2cmnm.blogspot.com Your experiences, stories, comments/reactions, Net resources, pics are welcomed as contributions for the CMNM blog. Please send them to: sunbunz AT gmail DOT com

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           In CNMN experiences, not everyone involved needs to be to completely dressed or undressed (there can be mixed dressed/nude people in the same situation). It's the potential for nudity as a form of intimate or erotic communication that is more important than actually who is nude or clothed and how far each way. There can be more than one nude guys - it's just that there must be one clothed guys too. Often, guys can get CMNM thrills by being the dressed one or the naked one alternatively. I know that it works this way for me. I'm not passing any critical judgement on any other kind of male-oriented sexual lifestyle -- (flashing, BDSM, leather, role-playing (involving uniforms or costumes) because some people are turned on by multiple form of sexual stimulation - some of us are bisexual (past / present and future) and some of us get off flashing or simply just being exposed (or getting to see those who do). 

A true (extreme) dickflasher seems to get off by

showing an erect cock in places/situations where people don't expect it and are shocked to have the 'space' invaded by a hard dick.. at the extreme, it may be the only way he can get off (ejaculate). It seems that there are actually very few guys who fall into that category. 

         The CMNM (being exposed where clothed guys can view (and/or be visual stimuated) seems to find his (me being one of them) thrill in being naked in front of guys (dressed or in a state of dressing/undressing) where it's is more or less socially acceptable or at least tolerated (even glorified) - like a public street fair or a no-pants or strip night at a male-oriented bar, etc, or more 'innocently' in a locker room or frat party. But I know that in my case, I get a lot more

social/psychological fulfillment / satisifaction (?) and some erotic/sexual pleasure from being in a CMNM situation - especially where I can establish a personal relationship with the clothed (or naked) guys. Recently, I find this often happens in a hostel or similar situation (campground, at the beach or gym showers, or clothing optional resort, etc, where you meet and befriend strangers who later get to see you naked or even aroused - almost by 'accident' not totally by design). 

I collect a lot of CMNM photos and have them for 'friends only' on: http://www.flickr.com/people/sunbunz/ You have to join Flickr (free) and add me as friend to view the pics. Please STATE on your profile that you are 18 years old or OVER 18 This makes things legal and I'll get less flack from Flickr for pandering to minors. There are also thousands of Flickr groups (little discussion but lots of photos) devoted to different aspects of this same idea: Frat parties, doctor's physical exams, being naked in public (not just flashing from a alley or window), sports locker rooms, etc. My own Net photos collections are categorized in sets as such. There are also scores of Net porn sites devoted to some particular 'flavor' or scene that is strongly related to CMNM. There are also a few private and public groups on Yahoo and Tribe.net devoted to CMNM. 

* You must be a Flickr member and my Flickr friend to view the private pics on my Flickr photostream.
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The spirit is willing but the flash is week day and weekend!